There are few friends who remain close to our heart no matter how far we travel from them. Those are the friends who we might now see for years, sometimes decades and yet when we do eventually meet again, we are able to pick up our last conversation where we last left it.
I am fortunate to have a few of those gems in my life, some who have traveled with me, some who simply were a match from the instant we met; I often wondered if we had been born into different families simply by mistake.
Joy expands to a million when I learn that one of these special beings in my life is expecting a little cherub. Imagine when the cherubs are two??
This has been the best news in my household in the last couple of days. I am so excited that I can barely sleep; but as a doula I do need to find my zen and follow mama’s lead, and even more so if one of my friend comes to me for advice.
And right now I do sense lot of fear around her, not so much because of the unknown factor of having to dive into a completely new experience, rather because what the doctors are telling her is fear based and her maternal instinct has already kicked in at full force.
I know that no matter what the outcome will be, no matter the shape this birth will take, she is already the perfect mom for these two babies and I do hope that she will realize that once she can surround herself with all the possible information available to her and make the best informed choice with what she has.
But why is there such a huge discrepancy between medical school midwifery practices? Yes, the two curricula differ in time, notions, beliefs or lack of, but most and above all they are different in the way they treat mothers.
I find it appalling that despite what one may believe should be the best and safest way to give birth, mothers are often still treated like a number, like a case, an emergency that needs to be fixed, adjusted, controlled, saved.
This is clearly demonstrated when mothers are often told by someone else ( often someone who won’t ever be able to give birth because of they are men!) how they should behave during their motherhood journey, what choices they should make when they are bringing their children earth side and how they should take care of them once they take them home.
It’s a battled against history, common sense and nature, because the truth is that no matter how denigrating or elevating the experience of a birth turns out to be, you can not stop a mother to be a mother.
So I would love to raise a glass to all moms, to be, not yet and missed. I would love for you to go back and remember how you felt when you thought about your bab(ies), whether you had them in your belly already or in your happy thoughts, remember how everything made sense, there was no questioning, no fear as you knew exactly that all you deeply and wanted to do most was to love your baby; stay with that feeling and carry it with you in your heart’s pocket. No one will ever be able to change that because no one can ever love your baby stronger than you.
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